Category: Editors
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OCTOBER SPOOKSCOPES!
Written by Sara Mayberry Aries (March 21- April 19) Aries, just because it’s spooky season doesn’t mean you can be scary to your friends. Allow others in, smoke some weed, just CHILL aries! You’re very intellectually receptive, but you’re feeling emotionally stunted right now – go with your gut, your…
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Chiv Summerscopes
Written by Sara Mayberry Okay bitches it’s been a straight (or gay) minute since I’ve updated y’all, and well, Summer is coming. (Queue GoT weird reference that I don’t understand) Anyways I figured I’d give everyone a little suggestion on how to go about your summer…activities. What time is it?…
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Chiv Summerscopes
Written by Sara Mayberry Okay bitches it’s been a straight (or gay) minute since I’ve updated y’all, and well, Summer is coming. (Queue GoT weird reference that I don’t understand) Anyways I figured I’d give everyone a little suggestion on how to go about your summer…activities. What time is it?…
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Chiv Whoroscopes April
Written by Sara Mayberry It’s been a long month, kids. I know y’all have been missing me! Don’t you fret, I’m here to help you decide what kind of altering life decision to make this month. This is the month we all sign the declaration of whoredependence, claiming our slutty…
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CHIV LUCKSCOPES MARCH 2019
Written by Chiv Astrologists What’s up bitches, we’re here to see what kind of luck you’ll be getting in this four-leaf-clover-claimed month. Just because McDonald’s says it’s time to “get your luck on” with a Shamrock Shake, does not mean you should feed into one of the biggest monopolies in…
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Chiv’s Worst Sex Stories
Written By Champlain’s Most Angsty Art By Alyssa Luongo and Grace Monahan *Uncredited to preserve anonymity* We asked for your worst sex stories, and oh my did we get some… I’m on estradiol, which makes it a lot more difficult to climax. Both I and the girl I was having…
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CHIV LOVESCOPES FOR PALENTINES DAY 2019
Written by Chiv Astrologists What’s up sluts! Let’s all get our love lives in check for this here Valentine’s Day season! Some people call this a commercial and “Hallmark” holiday, but I know you sappy fucks wanna get in with someone. Let’s get one thing straight (or gay, whatever tickles…
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Chivomengro’s 2018 Horoscope Holiday Gift Guide
Written by the Chiv Astrologist Ring ring ring ring ring ring… Can you hear that? It’s the holidays a comin’ down the track straight into Capitalism Town! Aw shit, you have a bunch of gift cards and nothing to spend them on?? Enter Chivomengro’s 2018 Holiday gift guide, each gift…
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Your Horoscope for November
Written by the Chiv Astrologists Aries (March 21- April 19) How many times must your Earth sign friends nod and say “Sure, Jan” when you deny your feelings while simultaneously never shutting up about your current beau? Admit you have a little more than a crush already, you beautiful psychotic…
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Horrorscopes – Your Destined Halloween Costume
Written by the Chiv Astrologists Aries – Pin up Girl (March 21 – April 19) Oooh hey sailor! You’ll turn heads in a costume that shows off your bold side. Pin your hat on well so you don’t lose it while you dance! Taurus – A sexy corn (April 20 –…
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