Category: Reviews
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Students Address “Matt” Problem at Champlain College
Underneath the innocuous cover of Champlain’s varied and seemingly inclusive social environment lurks a discriminatory secret society that adds to the inherent elitism in Matthews everywhere. This society is the “Champlain Matts.” Champlain Matts is a closed Facebook group on the Champlain server that is open only to students at the college…
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How to Use Your Cell Phone in Class and Not Be a Fucking Pleb About It
1. Know your teacher. This step cannot be stressed enough. Is your teacher a hawk-eyed dictator who rules their class with an iron fist? If so, you should probably wait to text or at least excuse yourself if you can. Is your teacher a kindly old person with bad eyesight? Get to…
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Old and New Artists
It doesn’t take a genius to know that the Grammy’s don’t accurately represent the best of today’s music. During this year’s show, there were a lot of moments that many viewers considered disappointing—possibly the most upsetting being Beyoncé losing album of the year. However, this was not the most irritating…
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24 Hour Bauer Power Hour
The following essay takes place between 12pm and 7am on January 30th, 2015, during the California Presidential primary (If you don’t get that reference, I envy you). The idea started innocently enough; just a few hours of binge watching. I’d done it before, I’d heard of people doing it, and…
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How to Make a Pepperoni Pizza
Ingredients: 1 teaspoon active dry yeast, 4 cups all-purpose flour, 1 teaspoon kosher salt, ⅓ cup olive oil, 12 oz fresh mozzarella, 1 cup pepperoni pieces, ½-¾ homemade pizza sauce Directions: For the pizza dough, sprinkle dry yeast over 1½ cups of warm-not lukewarm- water. In a mixer with a…
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Vagina, Vagina, Vagina
You walk into an audition late and you’ve got director staring right at you, making the executive decision whether or not you get to follow your passion. It’s tense. I don’t do tense well. Instead of politely introducing myself when all those eyes turn to me, I grin and plop down in the…
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Being Gluten Free Sucks But Your Attitude Sucks More
I’ve paid almost $9 for a loaf of bread, and I’m not proud of it. My body can’t digest wheat. Not even a little bit. As a result, I’m completely gluten free and I have to do what all gluten free-ers must do: suffer. It’s not the food that’s bad…
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Honkytonk Badonkadonks and Kendrick Lamar
So here we are in class again, where, as usual, I am the only black person in attendance. Room 201 was filled with the conventional gossip and chatter about lipstick, boys, girls, and of course, why the professor is always late. Finally the prof comes in, smiling and greeting the anxious looks…
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2014: YEAR OF THE ASS
It’s only mid-November, but here at Chivomengro we have egos bigger than the Republican party’s midterm post-coital bliss. We feel comfortable telling the internet and America what to do. And, for the sake of the internet, we’d like to go ahead and christen this past year the year of the derriere –…
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BOW DOWN BITCHES
My friends and I got the cops called on us the other night. Noise violation. We were watching Beyoncé’s visual album again. Whoops. Before this month, I never would have considered myself a Beyoncé fan. At all. I knew there were cult-like Beyoncé lovers cropping up all around me, I…
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