Graveyard Shift Feels a Little Too Literal

It was 10 PM and felt like it was ninety degrees in the atrium I called my office this summer. After seven hours of doing nothing but listening to Best Coast and checking emails, I finally got to lock up my desk and head home. Flipping the sign over to read “Please call our Safety Department…

Your Rape Jokes Aren’t Funny (No, Really)

Ryan is a friend of mine. He’s allergic to peanuts. If someone offers him homemade food, he asks them if it has peanuts in it. (Given the fact that he’s alive, I highly doubt that anyone has lied.) If he goes out to eat, he makes sure that the fries he’s ordered haven’t been deep-fried…

On the Plight of the Basic Bitch

I recently left the Stone Age. A few weeks ago, I got a real, honest-to-goodness smartphone, and after dropping nearly three hundred dollars on the thing, I figured I might as well drop another twenty and get an Otter Box for it. My friends told me they were good for the price and did a…

Vagina, Vagina, Vagina

You walk into an audition late and you’ve got director staring right at you, making the executive decision whether or not you get to follow your passion. It’s tense. I don’t do tense well. Instead of politely introducing myself when all those eyes turn to me, I grin and plop down in the nearest chair. “I love vaginas…