On Mr.Clean

Fuck Mr. Clean; I cannot fucking stand the sexual machination that is Mr. Clean, yet I love him. I envy him. Never before had I seen, let alone confabulated, even, the mere concept of an absolutely suave and sexy cleaning-brand mascot until I laid my eyes on that white-jeans-clad, silver-tongued son of a bitch. Why…

Why Aren’t We More Anxious About Anxiety?

Saying “Everybody has anxiety” is a strange way to say that we don’t want to talk about it. I was taken aback last week when I met with an official to talk about my career goals and possible internships and they told me, “You seem nervous, which is something you could work on.” Talking about…

Home

This summer was my first away from home. I stayed on campus as an RA. That being my only commitment, I would make plans to travel back home a few times a month, due to feelings of homesickness. The trip from Burlington, Vermont to Bloomfield, New York is quite long and boring. Although there are…

The Truth Comes Out: Giraffes Are A Hoax

Accepting that the world is not as fantastic and magical as children want to believe is an important part of growing up. At some point in your life, your parents probably sat you down and told you that the tooth fairy isn’t real. Everyone has to go through it eventually, and unfortunately it’s time for…