Category: Essay
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A Champlain College Student’s 6-Step Guide to Preparing for Vermont’s Secession from the Union
BUILD A WALL of emotional support. Seceding from a nation requires a strong, tall and impenetrable sense of community. Before you even think about seceding, you have to block off those negative thoughts. We don’t want to be on the fence about this before we go through with it. SPEND…
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Rise of the Talking Pineapple
A new generation of students is rising above the ashes of the old-school standards and it is looking like shit. Education went from teaching a student new skills to the intent of teaching a student test-taking skills. Tests fucking blow. Standardized tests have wreaked havoc on a once moderately sound…
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Thanksgiving Breakup
I didn’t really date in high school. Social awkwardness and sarcasm as a defense mechanism doesn’t exactly equate to teenage boys falling all over you. By the time I was a junior I’d kissed exactly two people (one was for a school play) and been on a grand total of four…
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To Glorify Beauty
Alphonse Mucha once said, “The aim of art is to glorify beauty.” The artists of Instagram seem to agree, so long as beauty is found in the female, semi-nude body. Whether it’s tame and cute or lewd and erotic, there are plenty of artists in the digital realm who predominantly…
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Depressed Kid’s Guide To Post-Election Depression
So your candidate lost. You may have had high hopes. You may have been desperately biting your nails on November 8th. You may have even thought she was going to win. Perhaps you didn’t want to support her, but felt she was better than the other guy. But now the…
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Nipping the Stigma About Boobs
“I’m not sitting here saying, ‘Fuck me, I’m a hoe, looking for attention.’ they’re just artsy nudes.” Karly Struble, a 19-year-old sophomore at Champlain College said hastily as she discussed how her nude picture was taken down from Instagram. What is it about female nipples that make people so uncomfortable?…
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A Bite of Lemon
I’m going to try and describe a facet of the way I think. It’s in my head. As you read, you may think; he’s making it up. Yes, I am making it up. It’s a creation of my mind. There’s no way for me to prove to you—or to me—that…
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Supermodel Diet: College Student Edition
Lucky for us, we live in a world where being beautiful, for some, is a full-time job. But since “Torturing Myself into the Shape and Look Society has Chosen” doesn’t quite roll off the tongue as a job title, we went with Supermodel. And for some reason I thought it…
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Tied to a Pole
Louisiana heat beat down on us as we struggled to get free. The jump rope dug into our flesh, making escape virtually impossible. Our pleas for help rang out in vain—everyone else had queued up and gone inside, leaving us to wither away into oblivion. Eight years later, my school…
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FUCKING SPACE
It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s a phallic space shuttle headed to Mars! The technology to travel to another planet already exists—woah—and is being implemented into spacecraft, without the general public’s knowledge. Like, fuck. This isn’t the only awesome thing that scientists decided not to tell the world about. There…
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