Category: Essay
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On Being Cool
Children don’t seem to care much about “being cool”—they have not yet fallen victim to such a false state of mind. They know what is cool: big bugs are cool. Bright colors are cool. Moving fast, yelling loudly, running, and jumping—those are cool. In their lack of self-awareness, they are…
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Echoes of Charlie
The Girl in Blood. The first time I heard of Charlie was when The Girl in Blood showed up on my front porch. Red ran down her face in streams. Faces bleed a lot when they’re cut. The moth-clumped porch light cast insect-filtered rays onto her face. Glass glittered in…
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Lavar Ball vs. Donald Trump
In a battle that pretty much sums up 2017, two of the most obnoxious personalities in America today have been going head-to-head: LaVar Ball and Donald Trump. The issue began when LaVar’s son LiAngelo, Cody Riley, and Jalen Hill—all members of the UCLA Bruins basketball team—were arrested for shoplifting from…
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On Mr.Clean
Fuck Mr. Clean; I cannot fucking stand the sexual machination that is Mr. Clean, yet I love him. I envy him. Never before had I seen, let alone confabulated, even, the mere concept of an absolutely suave and sexy cleaning-brand mascot until I laid my eyes on that white-jeans-clad, silver-tongued…
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Why Aren’t We More Anxious About Anxiety?
Saying “Everybody has anxiety” is a strange way to say that we don’t want to talk about it. I was taken aback last week when I met with an official to talk about my career goals and possible internships and they told me, “You seem nervous, which is something you…
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The Truth Comes Out: Giraffes Are A Hoax
Written by: Adelaide Malvey Accepting that the world is not as fantastic and magical as children want to believe is an important part of growing up. At some point in your life, your parents probably sat you down and told you that the tooth fairy isn’t real. Everyone has…
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Damage from Hurricane Harvey Destroys Everything in Path, Including Self
On Thursday, October 5th, a story about the devastating, unnatural disaster Hurricane Harvey that swept through Hollywood was released from The New York Times. Sources say that many homes were destroyed without their consent. In the past few weeks, over 34 of the homes have claimed damages from Hurricane Harvey,…
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Cultural Ignorance Turned Dividends
My hands are parallel to the countertop, visibly shaking and unable to reach for the wooden pair of chopsticks underneath them. I turn my head toward my boyfriend. “I can’t eat this Jack. It’s too much for us. What are we gonna do?” He’s at a loss for words, mouth…
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Getting Schwanked On A Sunday
The story starts at Three Needs. A popular bar among college students. It’s a beautiful Sunday afternoon, and the crowd is celebrating the last few hours of it with cold pints of beer. I meet a friend at the bar and we each get a pint. We thought it might…
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The Wooden Girls
The lady makes music when you spin the top of her body. She’s empty inside but makes a heavy weight on your palm. The lady is gentle and fragile and loud when she needs to be. She is clean and polished but has the decay of many fingers having touched,…
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