The Art of Finding A Goddamned Birthday Present For Your S.O.

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Written by: Chiv’s Resident Sex Writer

I love my guy, but I hate his birthday. It’s too close to Christmas, I’m always so focused on school, and being in a fucking LDR (long-distance relationship) we don’t always get to be together to celebrate properly with a blowjob marathon. And if all of this isn’t exhausting enough, I feel like it is nearly impossible to find an above-par gift for a heterosexual-identifying male. Usually, it isn’t too bad the first year you’re together, none of your gift ideas have been exploited and you’re still obsessed with each other so they would even find a used napkin cute. After three years of birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays, my brain is spent.

If you’re having trouble thinking of a gift that will shock him, look no further… This year, my SO (significant other) will be opening up a customized-to-his-kinks box! Inside of this package, my man can expect to find a riding crop, arm restraints, vibrating anal beads (okay, that one is more for me…), a special bottle of lube made for butt stuff, and a set of nipple clamps. If you and your SO have a healthy sex life, this gift is the perfect way to suggest you try something new; and it doesn’t have to be BDSM, that’s just something we enjoy. If you want to try something more subtle, maybe it would be more your style to fill their box with flavored lubes or even a couples sex toy. 

The point of this box is to give your SO a surprise that will make their birthday sex something to remember and to take the stress of finding the perfect gift away from you. Obviously, you should never do anything that you are not comfortable with, especially sexually! As always, establishing consent and being sure that you and your partner are both interested in what you’re doing will lead to incredible orgasms and great sleep!


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