Written by: “James”

Art by: Alyssa Luongo 

Wuddup wuddup Chiv readers,

It’s ya boi James here. Ya know my main place of being is Cyber Security and the overall tech scene but I was coerced into being right here. The whole writing scene for a small college webzine. It’s so often people tell you about expression, and the importance of creative endeavors. Being the scientist that I am I figured ya know what, we’ll experiment. 

So you thought I’d talk about cyber tips, cyber tricks, and even some cyber tools but nah. I want to tell you about some more cultural things in the hackerspace. The things you don’t know are there until you’re turning around and there’s a massive six foot tail getting shoved between your legs. Now I’m not a furry, so it’s not my place to say anything, nor am I qualified. But hey if you’re a furry and you’re into the cyber scene, hit me up; I offer consulting services at a small fee, and I’ll teach you some lingo, if you know the furry I can show ya the cyber. Maybe you can go out seduce them with some tech jargon: a lil mimikatz this and lil nmap that. Both of which are cyber security tools. But it wasn’t until recently that I made the connect of Mimikatz the popular password cracking tool to a Feline Cat. There’s a prime furry and cyber connection there. Now I know why https://dcfurs.com/ exists. Next thing you know you’re out there in furry costume pen-testing. I ain’t talking security testing looking to see if you can hack into a firewall. I’m talking Penetration Testing ;) clearly not in the professional sense. Low brow jokes aside. 

Allow this quirky brown boy to regale you of the time I decided to practice my social engineering skills in one of the best places in the U.S.A.! I’m talking about Las Vegas baby! 

I know I know, “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.” Yea well fuck that; I’m a poor sod who has to exclaim that this is possibly one of the coolest things I’ve done so far.

So let me regale you of the time I got drunk at the World Largest Hacker Conference. 

We’ll set the scene: Imagine a bunch of cyber nerds, who sit at computers all day, renting a big casino/hotel. Then imagine them doing karaoke. That’s where it all started. Hacker Karaoke. All my friends were up on stage performing songs, and in my head I’m thinking they clearly don’t know I can’t remember jack shit without practicing. Suffice to say I don’t rap Kanye West, Raphael Lake, or Jay-Z everyday. So I don’t remember how to sync the lyrics to the rhythm. I feel guilty not partaking in the fun. They all start drinking, ya know the classic get loosy goosy to have fun scheme. I decide ok, feck it (i’m irish now). I go up to the bartender just outside (who by the way is not even ID-ing people). He sees I have my conference badge, and he’s like “huh another @$$hole nerd like the ones I made fun of in high school wants a drink, sure.” So he gives me a Rum and Ginger Ale. You see rum is fun for me. I start to drink it not realizing the guy gave me ⅔ Rum to ⅓ Ginger Ale. Needless to say, ya boi James feels it halfway in. The problem is my friends at this time had already gotten drunk enough to clock out. So I’m here alone just getting started. So I decided it was a good idea to practice my social skills. 

I go to my guy at the bar and say “yo hit me with another one.” I down this one almost as quickly as the first. I’m not drunk yet, but I’ve let my risk-averse walls down. My other friend is at this party in a hotel across the strip for some company I had never heard of he’s 21. But he tells me to join him…fun fact he forgets I’m not 21 a lot, hey I don’t blame him sometimes I do too ;) 

It’s 10pm. I don’t give a f0ck. It’s early as hell for this crazy party animal. So I walk across the Vegas strip, drink in hand, making my way to another casino/hotel. Meanwhile, as I’m walking, I’ve got call girls/strippers clawing at me, giving me their cards with pics of them, and needless to say, I was sketched the hell out. You see I’m hella immature, I can’t have a conversation about playtime without becoming Chandler from friends. So sorry Candy, sorry Shania, this childish goofball isn’t going to be your playboy for the night. HA hell I didn’t have stripper cash on me anyways.

I make it to the casino/hotel and there’s a bouncer standing in front of the elevator to this penthouse I’m supposed to get into. He has a list. A FUCKING LIST with peoples names on them. So I tell the guy I’m with Kyle Rayner and the GL Corps, real nonchalant, all confident beer in hand. Fun fact: you should google who that is. With an innocent yet hoarse voice I tell him “sorry man he’s my boss. He’s texting me to get my @$$ up there, and I’m late to this party thing.” Really trying to give off some drunk nerdy hacker vibes. To which this wonderful, kind soul of a bouncer says, “you’re all set dude,” and he walkies into his talkie “We got one coming,” and in my head I’m like “that’s extra, hella extra, but I’m into it, you walkie talkie my way up.” I end up meeting up with my friend who’s cracking up about the fact that I ended up getting into this exclusive penthouse party. TBH I don’t think he thought I’d come. Last fun fact: James is unpredictable, so never underestimate him! We go to some other places together: do some networking, meet some really smart, drunk people, until eventually my friend and I decide to split off. 

So I’m supposed to call an Uber back to my Airbnb. But James says, “no I got a few more miles in me.” So I decided to go into another party using a similar tactic, but this time saying “I just went out for a smoke; the other guy said it was all good,” and just my luck, I made it into another semi-exclusive party joint. I had fun. Ya know yo boi out in Vegas; let’s get litty 3000. This goes on for awhile before eventually I’m exhausted and I’m like haha what’s the time, and it’s 5am so I call it a night? Or morning? And get back to my airbnb to wake up in two hours for more conference fun and nerdgasming. 

But yea basically twas a night of savagery on my part, and I semi-apologize to some peeps involved cause hackers gonna hack right. But also it’s all about those little experiences that make your life worthwhile and fun. Suffice it to say I had one of the best times of the year at that conference.