My Drunk Inauguration Speech

Published by


cats pieceWritten by Cat Butrick

*This entire article was written while I was absolutely smashed. Found it in my notes the next morning when adding food to my grocery list*

There’s something enchanting about your first basement party. The smell of cheap vodka and sweaty (almost) post-pubescent bodies. The constant pushing and I’m sorrys. The trashy boys that get off on competing over who dances with you. Ah to be young.

Some of my highlights of the night come from my texts to friends:

1.  “I’m a lil salty about Silvan giving me the wrong number bc I lowkey liked him in a ‘hey you aren’t a bad white boy even though you taste like cigarettes and kiss with your teeth’ kinda way” 
2. “He called my tits sisters” 
3. “I danced with so many guys. It was great. I have hickeys”

The best and probably most risky text was sent to my mother though: “Mom I need you to know that I love you and dad and I’m drunk but that doesn’t negate my love.” The response I got in the morning was not as endearing. Also who let me Snapchat my no good, fuck boy ex.

My favourite part of the night was not the males trying to seduce their way into my pants or rereading my messy drunk texts throughout, it was seeing my fellow Chiv members. There’s a certain energy that Chiv has. It can’t be described in a few adjectives or slew of words but it’s there, and it’s a powerful motherfucker.

The sweaty pushing and screaming didn’t prevent the angsty Chiv vibe from infiltrating the basement and certainly didn’t inhibit my homey hopping. In fact, it fueled it. The bad bitch energy fueled me so powerfully that by the time I was dancing with guy #3, I had no problem letting him know his rank on the food chain while simultaneously yelling, “I’m gonna write a Chiv article about this!”

Chivomengro is a special place on Champlain’s campus, and I am lucky to make it my home for the next four years. To the best publication on campus, the only one I’d reference while being messily grinded on by some UVM boy, who I somehow remember has a 3.2 GPA and is a business major but can’t remember what he looks like, thank you for making me your new Editor-in-Chief. I can’t wait to enjoy the messy ride.

Leave a Reply

Blog at