Written by the Chiv Astrologists
Hello beach babes. School is out and so is the sun! Set your watches to fun times and summer lovin’.
This month, we here at Chiv are bringing you the essential summer guide to treat yourself purchases based on your sign. The best part is that they’re all under $20!
You don’t just want these things, you need them. It was written in the stars.
(March 21- April 19)
Good lord Aries, you have more feelings inside of you than any normal person would be able to handle. We suggest this lovely journal; A Fantasy Piece About Dreams, Pegasus, Memories and Feelings-Drawing Book. Look at that cover baby! It is the perfect book in which to write all your love songs, ransom notes, and personal vendettas. Just remember to write with a waterproof pen so that your rage crying doesn’t smudge the pages.
(April 20 – May 20)
Some of those squishy animals for you Taurus! It’s what you need and what you deserve. Its a sixteen pack too, which means you can give a few to your bestest friends and partner. Stick em on your phone and computer, maybe one on your bathroom wall next to the toilet.
(May 21 – June 20)
You don’t need anymore stuff Gemini. STOP BUYING THINGS.
(June 21 – July 22)
SPOOOOONSSS! Look they all are different types of flowers, Cancer! We’re gonna cry, look at how pretty they are! They might be slightly inconvenient when you’re eating your midnight bowls of cereal but they’re so lovely. You definitely need them.
(July 23 – August 22)
Summertime means everything is growing and so are you! Add to your growing family of succulents with one of these sweet little planters. We recommend the snail but there are so many beautiful boys to choose from. Actually you may as well get two right? Yeah, definitely get two.
(August 23 – September 22)
Welcome to the beginning of the rest of your life Virgo. What is this little space egg? Its a Star Night Light Projector, and it is the secret to your summer success. Not only is it beautiful but it is a functional tool as well, when you stumble home at 3am your room will be softly lit by the glow of hundreds of stars. Easy on the eyes, and so relaxing. The random skater boy you’ve brought home will enjoy it as well.
(September 23 – October 22)
Alright Libra, here is what you do: Purchase the Learning Resources Anatomy Models Bundle Set and place it strategically in your bedroom. Let it serve as a reminder of what you will do to your dick appointments should they choose to wrong you. No one messes with you and walks away unscathed.
(October 23 – November 21)
For preparing for all of your disgusting summer hangovers, we recommend this Cold Facial Mask Gel for Puffy Eyes, Dark Circles, Migraine, Relief Swollen. Will it heal you? We’re not entirely sure. But you probably aren’t going to stop getting wasted four nights a week, now are you Scorpio? You might as well just slap an eye mask on the problem and plan for tonight’s rager.
(November 22 – December 21)
Hahaha shiitt those crystals are rad dude. Niiice.
(December 22 – January 19)
Super soft cotton? Details make it perfect? Sounds just like you Capricorn. This boy is begging to be the newest addition to your collection of pillows. Perfect for hugging during your late night bouts of summertime FOMO or as a talking point for house guests.
(January 20 – February 19)
You can’t Amazon Prime therapy, Aquarius. Make yourself an appointment Counseling & Accommodations Center, they’re still open during the summer.
(February 20 – March 20)
Buy these four fun boys and hang them in your shower Pisces. We know you aren’t going to stop shower crying just because it’s summertime, so you might as well have some friends in there to keep you company.