(March 21 – April 19)
The Moon is in friendly air sign Aquarius today, inspiring you to consider your relationships on the last day of the year. At the start of 2017, you might want to try friendships with new species–there’s no shame in being a regular at the zoo if you’re looking for a friend with a tail.
(April 20 – May 20)
Taurus, you’re ready for a new start after a rocky year. Use the reflective vibes of the New Year to think about your professional life and reputation–maybe it’s time to drop your 2008 sex tape and cross your fingers for the best.
(May 21 – June 20)
Your ruling planet Mercury is in retrograde, Gemini, so you know what that means. Do not leave the house. Seriously, stay indoors, if they see you god knows what could happen to you, let alone the rest of us. We’ll send you canned food and information when we can. Do not go outside.
(June 21 – July 22)
As always, you’re feeling deep and intense, Cancer. In 2017, you might want to use that energy to let loose a little. Joining a dance team, volunteering in your community, and driving your car into a Steak n’ Shake are a few ways we’d recommend letting yourself just do it!
(July 23 – August 22)
Leo, the Moon in Aquarius is causing you to think intensely about your partnerships. If you’re feeling lonely for an intimate relationship, visit a prenatal yoga class and ask one of the couples if you can link up with them. You’d be surprised how open people can be!
(August 23 – September 22)
The end of the year has you feeling busy, Virgo. That’s a little out of the norm for you as an Earth sign. Smoke some pot and cover yourself in dirt to get back to your earthy roots.
(September 23 – October 22)
Libra, you spent 2016 working hard and being responsible, and now it’s time to reward yourself. Hunting and preparing your own New Years boar will be a satisfying way to enter the new year. Live a little and eat good.
(October 23 – November 21)
You’ve been in a private mood lately, Scorpio. The vibe has been dreamy and passionate and it’s definitely not because of the mushrooms you ate. Those are chill, I trust my guy, okay?
(November 22 – December 21)
The Moon in Aquarius is illuminating the communication sector of your chart. You’ll be extra chatty this month and looking for new ways to express yourself. Screaming everything you say out loud will be a good way to be the life of the party and to make yourself heard!
(December 22 – January 19)
Material matters are on your mind at the start of 2017. Big surprises are coming your way, so expect to inherit multiple pounds of leftover Hanukkah gelt from the JCC down the street. It’s chocolate on the inside, but still a gold coin to you Capricorn.
(January 20 – February 19)
Self esteem issues are major for you this month, Aquarius. Sell all of your mirrors and use the money to buy a crystal-encrusted bag to wear over your head in this time of sensitivity.
(February 19 – March 20)
You’re always emotional Pisces, but this month, it’s gonna be good vibes all around. Use the energy to go out and don’t let your inhibitions stop you. Follow your heart tonight, even if you find yourself buying a boat by the end of the night. Maybe a life at sea would be good for you, Water sign.