Pornhub Cares

Written by Nick Feeney

Art by: Izzy Dickey

Who ever would have guessed that Pornhub would care more about the future of our doomed planet than the government of an international superpower?  Welcome to our reality kiddos.

Let’s start by pointing the obvious out: yes, Pornhub is currently running the game in terms of cleaning up the oceans, when compared to the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. WHAT THE FUCK. In their latest initiative, under their philanthropic Pornhub Cares brand, Pornhub decided to upstage an alarming amount of leaders in global politics by filming an adult video on one of the dirtiest beaches in the world (located somewhere in the Carribean) while cleanup crews from the Ocean Polymers organization pick up trash and plastics in the background.  Yup, that’s right, verified Pornhub couple Leolulu were given the once in a lifetime opportunity to fuck on a beach thats being cleaned by climate activists. The best part, however, was that for every view on the video, Pornhub pledged to make a donation to Ocean Polymers, so that they have the opportunity to continue cleaning up after us. What a fucking company. (pun intended)

Now if we do some bare boned (lmao) estimates based on the Pornhub statistics, we can take a guess as to just how badly a porn site is beating the United States when it comes to climate change activism.  This video has just under 6 million views (as of 9/19), meaning that if Pornhub donated just $1 for each view, the horny individuals of the Pornhub community have raised almost $6 million for Ocean Polymers.  In comparison, over the past year, the United States government has passed legislation to reduce the EPAs budget by $2.58 billion, meaning that Pornhub is contributing to environmental cleanup while our country at large is still slacking.  If only Orwell were alive to see a world in which porn production companies are caring for the planet while governments stand idly by.

Now it’s also worth mentioning that Pornhub not only sponsors Ocean Polymers, but other righteous causes as well.  In past years, Pornhub has facilitated multiple fundraisers and events for charities such as the $25k Women In Technology scholarship, or the Bee Sexual campaign, which donated every time someone viewed a bee pollination video; or maybe the more considerate masturbatory contributions such as closed captioning on certain videos for deaf viewers, or auditory description videos for the visually impaired.  Maybe it’s about time we listen to our adult video overlords and start beating that meat.

So yeah, pretty fucked up world we live in huh?  Maybe we can start a revolution and elect Pornhub as our new president.  

If you want to read more about Pornhub’s philanthropy, you can find the stats below:

https://www.pornhub.com/cares

https://www.pornhub.com/insights/