culture / Jessica Schultz

Blockbuster and Ball

7-stoner-movies

Alright, hear me out: we need to bring back Blockbuster.

How many times have you sat down with a significant other, a friend, even a Tinder match (this is a safe place, it’s okay to admit it), preparing to watch a movie only to find that Netflix removed it in another of their monthly purges? Sure, you could just torrent it- but what’s the fun in a low-quality, slow-buffering, Russian-subtitled stream of The Royal Tenenbaums? The web is slacking on its movie selection, and we need to take a stand.

In my screen-centric youth, I went to Blockbuster every week for a new movie.  But I’ve found that in the day and age of Netflix, nearly everything on the website is something I’ve either

  1. already seen, enjoyed, and then gotten bored with.
  2. never had an interest in–Mean Girls 2 anyone?

And so we come to the almighty problem. Without a Blockbuster, we are awash in a selection of movies that we no longer enjoy. We need more. Blockbuster is able to bring that variety to us, along with a shelf of stale candy and a scratched up copy of your favorite film- “Previously Viewed”! Tell me where else you can hozz Twizzlers, pick up Mall Rats for $2.99, and rent a lush, HD version of something that doesn’t suck? 

Funnily enough, everybody’s favorite bankrupt movie-renting establishment had the opportunity to buy Netflix when it was a fledgling idea. Laughing their way into their own graves, Blockbuster turned down the offer and any hope it had for the future.

I believe that Blockbuster can come back and give us the movie selection we crave, right at our fingertips.

“Netflix and Chill” will become “Blockbuster and Ball.”

All those nights alone clicking “Yes, I’m still watching” will be replaced by cuddling the DVD box set of Friends as you replace the disk with the next season’s. Blockbuster’s got the service we’re all looking for and the ability to be browsed like a real library. And with the revival of 90s culture, an experience like this is unparalleled.

Let’s bring it back. Blockbuster and Ball, y’all.

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