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Exactly fifteen years ago, my little sister was brought into this wonderful, confusing, tumultuous clusterfuck of a world. Where has the time gone? Generally, I am not what one would call sentimental, but because I cannot be with her on her big day –and because freshmen year royally sucked – I compiled a list of 15 things I wish I knew when I was 15. And yes, there will be quite a few embarrassing personal anecdotes.


1.     Cherish the little things.

Believe it or not, as you lay in bed binge watching 90210 on Netflix, there are actually people out there working 9 to 5 jobs. One day that is going to be you and you are going to regret everything you ever took advantage of. Being able to eat whatever you want, not having to do your own laundry, having the toilet paper magically replaced whenever it runs out, this is all going to end, my friend. So stay in bed, click “Continue Playing” and stuff your face with those Eggo waffles you love so much. Just know that one day you are going to be flooded with work, your metabolism will come to a screeching halt, and you will most definitely run out of toilet paper mid-pee more times than you can count.

2.     Make mistakes but learn from them.

Make a mistake once and it becomes a lesson. Make a mistake twice and it becomes a choice. Cliché but it’s true.

3.     Bellybutton piercings are a bad idea.

For my fifteenth birthday I wanted my second piercing. But as you know, Mom hates second piercings and said she would rather have me get my bellybutton pierced. Let me tell you right now, this is horrible logic and you should never listen to Mom when it comes to this. Bellybutton piercings are gross and get infected. If you really have the urge to get something pierced, come to Burlington and I will take you to get your second piercing because we both know that’s less trashy than piercing your belly button.

 4.     No one is perfect.

Seriously. No one is perfect. It’s not a thing. No matter what, there is going to be a girl who is skinnier than you, has better skin, and longer hair. That’s just how it goes. So instead of worrying about it, embrace what you have. You have a killer body just the way it is. No diet, skipped meal, or mental abuse is worth it. Also, thigh gaps are a myth. The closer your thighs, the closer you are to becoming a mermaid.

5.     Spend more time with the parents.

MOM AND DAD ARE COOL. You’re probably not going to figure this one out for a while, but they’re actually pretty fun to hang out with (except for that time Mom made us tailgate for a concert at ‘The Erotic Zone’ because parking was cheaper). Either way, in a few years you’re going to go off to college and when you come home for break, their company, home cooked meals, and all-expenses paid trips to the drug store will mean the world to you. Trust me on this.

6.     People will hurt you. Fuck em. 

You heard me. Fuck em. On my fifteenth birthday, Mom and Dad threw a surprise birthday for me. Five of my closest friends left early saying they had to work. I later found out that they ditched my party for a different, “cooler” party and were telling everyone how lame mine was. I cried for three days straight. What a waste of three days. They clearly weren’t worth my time and I ended up becoming friends with people who actually cared about me (SHOUT OUT TO MY GIRL MARISSA THANKS FOR STAYING AT MY LAME TWILIGHT THEMED BIRTHDAY PARTY WITH ME).


**Also, EMBARRASSING ANECDOTE #2: I lost my virginity when I was about your age and the guy didn’t care about me at all. Like most fifteen year olds, you probably just want to “get it over with.” And honestly, I was fine “getting it over with” with some random guy until I got into an actual relationship. If there’s one thing you should take out of this cheesy list is that you should wait until you’re with someone who actually cares about you, and vice versa. Otherwise you will get hurt and you will feel like shit. And then you will also having to deal with me saying I told you so.

7.     It’s okay to ask for help.

You’re only fifteen. Which may seem old, but it ‘s not. You’re not going to be able to do everything on your own and that’s okay. Lucky for you, you have something I didn’t have when I was fifteen and that’s an older sister. Whenever you’re in a bind, I’m only a phone call away. No questions asked.

8.     Take pictures of anything and everything.

As the Instagram queen that you are, I know you’ve already got this one covered. Just a reminder that one day you’ll want to look back and everything, so be sure to print things out from time to time.

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