My Emo Farewell Speech (Goodbye Bitches)

Written by Jessica Schultz

When I was a first year at Champlain, I idolized my friends who were seniors. They seemed so put-together and cool—they made music, ran Chiv, and seemed like they were never in a rush to do anything. They took me to comedy nights and concerts and made me feel cool as shit.

Now, approximately five seconds after little first year Jess leapt off the steps of Hill Hall and into the world of ~college~, I’m five seconds away from graduation and nowhere near as put-together as my friends seemed three years ago.

When I first joined Chiv, I had no clue what I was doing with my life. I was taking too many classes, working weird hours, and desperately trying to fill my free time so I didn’t have to think about what was going on in my head. I wanted to change my major to film, or write for SNL like I told Emerson College I would in my college essay. But once my pen hit the paper at Chiv, I was hooked.

And for the first time in a long while, things in my life seemed to make sense! I still remember my first little tidbit that was published—it was about what your choice of Champlain coffee says about you. It was short, dumb, to-the-point, and I was hooked. My Virgo-dominant ass kicked it into high gear and I started to plan for Chiv’s future: it was bright, sparkling, a little sweaty, and sick as shit.

And sick as shit it was.

From a review in Seven Days to Northeastern University’s digiNU conference, from the depths of basement party hell to Erik getting yelled at by the highest authorities at Champlain, I feel like I’ve seen it all. Without Chiv, I would’ve never known what it felt like to be yelled at by the entire student body on Facebook. And my cup got filled a little higher at keggers—that was the biggest ego boost I never needed.

Working at Chiv for these last three-and-a-half years feels like a fever dream—all too glittery to be true. I’m writing this sappy bullshit because it’s the only way I can convince myself that my time with the publication is actually up. And maybe, just maybe, now that the weight of Editor-in-Chief is off my shoulders, I’ll be able to write all the articles that never came to fruition.

The girl gang that Chiv is welcoming into its masthead are badass, hardworking, and always a pleasure at parties. I love them dearly, and I know you will too.

SIGNING OFF, OFFICIALLY!!!!! (WTF) AS EDITOR,

Jess <3