A Dude Told Me This Story


Diego and I went and got some Hennessy, the middle sized bottle, went over to Noah’s and got piss drunk. Then we went to a party and had some jello-shots. Questionable jello shots. I finished up that bottle of Hennessy and was filthy drunk.

Went outside and booted for a minute straight. Then Diego and I walked up the hill where I fell into a bush. I was chilling and was really comfy in that bush. Diego kept telling me I had to get up, but I was chilling. He was waiting for me for awhile until I was like, dude, I’m fine, I’m just gonna lay here. So he left.

I woke up to some flashing lights and was asked if I could stand. I couldn’t. They picked me up and put me in the back of a car and I think they brought me to the hospital, but I don’t know. They didn’t do anything there. I took a breathalyzer and blew a .18.

I ended up in the drunk tank and they took my Wilfred costume, so I was just wearing shorts. I was still piss drunk, but I was conscious. I asked them for my phone call because I was in jail; you get a phone call if you’re in jail. They were like no because you’re not arrested. It looked like I was arrested, I’m pretty sure I’m arrested, so I asked again. They said no, go to bed. So I did.

In the morning, they told me I could have my phone call after I took another breathalyzer. This time it was a .08. Then they told me I could have my phone call after I was more sober. Oh my god.

They gave me some shitty pizza. Some stale ass crusty pizza. I was like fuck, I need that phone call. So I ate the pizza a bit.

I finally was allowed a phone call, except I couldn’t call, they had to call for me. I told them to call my mom and and tell her to call Juan and have him come pick me up. So my mom and the cops had an odd conversation that she didn’t appreciate. They had many conversations. She was not happy.

So Juan came to pick me up and they put me in this nice little gray collar shirt and they sent me out the door. I never got my Wilfred costume back.

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