Tinder For “Hippies”

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I’ve been on (and off and back on) Tinder for a while now. After a while of becoming well-versed on the Burlington Tindersphere, I’ve noticed a trend. These girls keep acting like hippies.

I suppose it’s fashionable now and I understand why. Being environmentally conscious and caring is fucking sexy. I love hippie girls. I may not look like it, but I’m granola as fuck; I barely shower, I’m barefoot 30% of the time (winter is hard for me), the words ‘fair trade’ and ‘local’ turn me on.

Seeing all these babes talking about the universe and art is better than the tofu from City Market.

However, talking to these cute hippies who are conveniently one mile away, it’s clear to see that they aren’t who I think they are. They are not granola, not spiritual, not environmentally conscious, and, most importantly, not someone I’m trying to make out with.

In reality, these girls are not looking to discuss the universe–they just want you to smoke them up while they draw a tree on a paper you wrote for class. The maple leaf emojis should have been the red flags. These girls are more concerned with their image than their impact on the world.

You know these girls. The ones wearing Hindu appropriating t-shirts from Urban Outfitters. The ones pretending to meditate on top of a mountain. The girls that preach healthy living but will happily bump coke from strangers at parties.

I don’t mean to say these girls are bad people. If they want to go to Hannaford’s for their food and the farmer’s market for their iced coffees, that’s their business. I’m just sick of the disappointment of finding out the potential love of my life doesn’t care that even a bump of coke is detrimental to communities and ecosystems.

But then again, I eat quinoa 3 meals a day and even I’ll admit that’s fucking gross.

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