Politicians are pretty corrupt, man. Lucky for you, Chivomengro is still cool.

We’re back from a summer-long hiatus with essays, inspirational jazzercise reviews, and opportunities galore. Coming up this year, we have freshman sob stories, one-on-one music interviews, SGA slam-downs, and a look into the one thing we all hold closest to our hearts: shitty beer. We have fresh new writers, irritable bowels, and a cool new essay contest that could win you a six pack of your favorite American domestic, on us.

Even though we’re a naturally disorganized people, let’s talk game plan. We’re looking to publish three items a week, every week, and we’re looking for anyone and everyone to submit. Tell us about your summer hookup with the high school mathlete. Write a weirdly emotional review of your dining hall omelette. Consider how it’s fucked up that a cool girl can’t walk down the street without getting catcalled by some frat bro (or his dad) in a car. Shoot a photo essay of the best places to cry in Burlington. Whatever you’re feeling, we want to hear about it.

We love writing, but we’re opening our submissions to some new, equally cool mediums. Create a trill photo essay. Sketch a hilarious comic about that idiot in your CORE class. Share your short documentary with us. Like intellectual zombies, we want your brains.

We’re also excited to announce our first essay contest of the year. We wanna hear about the sometimes awkward, sometimes hilarious, sometimes profoundly scary and sad transitions that we all went through in our lives. We’re looking for essays about when you graduated first grade, when you moved away from your first home, when you got your first fucking period, when you got your braces off and realized you were a babe and a half. We wanna talk about change with you, and we want it to be interesting and meaningful. We’ll publish four of those essays at the end of November and distribute some sweet-ass prizes, yo.

• First place will get $10 and a six-pack of your favorite cheap beer, on us.
• Second place will get a $5 gift card to the shitty coffee place of your choice.
• Third place will get a firm handshake and a reassuring pat on the back with a solemn “Ya done good, kid” from us to you.
• Fourth place with get an A for effort and the reminder that it’s okay to be okay.

Again, submission instructions for this contest and all Chiv content is right here.

We’re looking forward to seeing all the fucked up content you come up with. It’s gonna be a great year for Chivomengro. Any questions, comments, thoughts can go to chivsubmissions@gmail.com.