Written by the Chiv Astrologists
(March 21- April 19)
Welcome back to school aries! We already know you’re going to kill it this year. You probably made 500 new friends and don’t need your old ones— but remember classes are still a thing, Your professors asked we tell you to go to at least some this semester.
(April 20 – May 20)
You’ve moved into your dorm and have already become parent of the building. Remember that you don’t have to teach every freshman how to use a microwave. Cut loose this semester—discover the party scene!
(May 21 – June 20)
You’re so curious, or should we say nosy! We know you’ve already dug through your roommate’s desk while they were in class. There’s a line, Gemini, just make sure you put everything back where you found it.
(June 21 – July 22)
Does Peter Pan resonate with you? Maybe you just need to believe in yourself—we believe in you, Cancer. Try boosting your confidence by getting involved in a club this year. Have you heard of Ski & Ride?
(July 23 – August 22)
Summer is gone and so is Leo szn. That means that you can let other people have the spotlight Leo’s. We hear you, we see you, and we’re not amused anymore. ~chill~
(August 23 – September 22)
September includes you, Virgo, how does it feel to have all that power? *cues kanye* This school year, try appealing to your analytical side and sign up for a math course or some smart —til then fuck that, the world’s (y)ours.
(September 23 – October 22)
Hey Libra! Welcome back to campus, tis your szn! Hopefully you can decide on a new tapestry from Urban Outfitters to hang up in your dorm as a little treat. Please try to let go of that grudge you’ve had on your roommate since last year. They didn’t mean to use your mug, they apologized, let it go.
(October 23 – November 21)
We know you’ve been collecting some deep shit Scorpio, spill the tea this month and let out all the secrets you’ve been hiding from us. We want A L L the teeeaaa.
(November 22 – December 21)
This semester is already pretty busy for you huh? Okay Sagittarius, let’s get down to the nitty-gritty—how about you drop one of your commitments and not over extend yourself? Free time feels pretty nice. Find a hobby, read a goddamn book, take a shower.
(December 22 – January 19)
Go easy on your group project this semester. We know you know the difference between blood-orange and red-orange. When it comes down to it, is it really going to affect your grade on the Powerpoint?
(January 20 – February 19)
Open up to someone this year, Aquarius, emotions are weird and trust us—we know you don’t like them, but being vulnerable can be good sometimes. Your new friends could be in your wedding someday, who knows?!
(February 20 – March 20)
Here’s a cool tip for you this semester: the single bathroom on your floor can lock and is the prime location to go for a good cry. You’re welcome. ;)