Essay / March 2017 / Walter Proulx

Things that Don’t Exist

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The wonders of Champlain College never cease to amaze me: except when they do. During my time looking at colleges I found Champlain College to be exceptional. It had a cool community, beautiful campus, and clubs that I wanted to join. Little did I know that Champlain College’s website like so many other colleges’ websites, is fairly inaccurate just like every other social media source.

The clubs page, for one thing, was not up to date. Neither the Burlingtones (the mysterious a capella group at Champlain) nor the Champlain Wave (online radio station) actually exist. This was quite disappointing to find out on my first week on campus. The a cappella group was understandable as it may have just disbanded, but I was immensely confused by the online radio station. On tour, I was told that the online radio station existed. Later on, I learned that this is a legit boldfaced lie that Champlain College tells prospective students. There is no online radio station, end of story. For some reason there is still a room with a paper hanging up saying you can join this non-existent club.

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I like to think of my disappointment similar to that of every man who buys hair products. They say it’ll give you a full head of hair again, but really they are just trying to take your money. Only when it is too late do you realize that you’ve just bought overly expensive shampoo. Might as well use it, but it’s still very disappointing, especially for the time that you are using that expensive shampoo.

Granted this is a small first world problem, but the list goes on. Take Sodexo, our pride and downfall. I dare not dis the found of this establishment, for it is very impressive considering the amount of people it needs to feed compared to the amount of people preparing food. Props to them for cooking meals in a timely fashion to a group of unquenchable college kids. Great things aside, there are some silly things about our food service that just doesn’t exist. Real maple syrup, for one thing. Living in Vermont, I am baffled as to how we can get local chocolate milk, but not local maple syrup. This is a trademark of Vermont. There are stereotypes of Vermonters putting maple syrup on everything. Stereotype or not, they’re kind of right. It isn’t unusual for a Vermonter to take a shot of (local) maple syrup. So, I ask Sodexo, really? How is this not a thing?

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Another thing I thought existed was lunch on weekends. It’s weird how breakfast is served all day till dinnertime. Also, breakfast is served all day, but not necessarily all morning. For all those who have to work on weekends, they are unfortunately SOL. An eight-hour shift can easily take up the whole day rendering a college kid unable to eat at the dining hall on weekends. (I’m totally not speaking from personal experience.) This is fairly upsetting considering that students who live on campus must have full access to the dining hall.

More could be said. Fortunately, I think my point has been made. Champlain, I love you, but please work on these mysteries. I would appreciate not being lied to, and meals on weekends would be great! Cheers to you, with my authentic maple syrup.

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