"NEWS" / Noah Kozlowski

ISIS Not Happy Over LEGO Movie Oscar Snub

isis

The world’s most in-demand terrorist sensation ISIS is back in the news, stirring up some wacky red carpet drama! The group announced Thursday via hostage style GoToMeeting conference that they were distraught and appalled with the Academy’s choice to pass over The LEGO Movie for a Best Animated Picture nomination. In a statement, the group’s spokesperson said, “We believe that The LEGO Movie’s missed nomination is a disgrace to people around the world, and we will not stand for this kind of despicable negligence. The LEGO Movie was actually really good.” He went on to say, “It got a 96% on the Rotten Tomatoes. That’s higher than Frozen.”

The terrorist group has promised retaliation, claiming that they will boycott watching The Oscars on February 22nd in protest. Experts predict that this could cause a ratings slip upwards of .003%, considering that the amount of ISIS members that normally watch The Oscars has grown quite high in recent years.

Network executives expressed their concern on the matter, releasing this statement late last week, “The Oscar committee is deeply apologetic for the pain and mental anguish that we have inadvertently caused ISIS. We have every intention to cooperate with them in the future and take their opinions into account. We implore that they will show us mercy, rethink their boycott, and tune into ABC on Sunday, February 22nd at 7pm, for some great Oscar family fun.”

“We, as terrorists, can relate to The LEGO Movie. We feel like people don’t take us seriously sometimes, and that really hurts on the inside. Just like the Academy hurt Chris Pratt and extra funny Will Ferrell. It is a film that the whole family can enjoy, what’s not to love?! Furthermore the Academy shall pay for this crime against humanity! Plus we really like how the little guys heads pop off.”

When asked about the rest of the Oscars, ISIS said that they thought Best Picture would come down to Selma and American Sniper, and that they thoroughly enjoyed both films.

Advertisements