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AN ANDROGYNOUS ACQUAINTANCE
by Esther Forbin The first time I met Shadow I was tripping. It was the first week of college and I had a bad case of mushroom poisoning. He curled up in my lap for hours on end, sitting on the bench on our front lawn. He was thin, and as dark and elusive… Read more
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IT’S MY SISTER’S 15TH BIRTHDAY
Exactly fifteen years ago, my little sister was brought into this wonderful, confusing, tumultuous clusterfuck of a world. Where has the time gone? Generally, I am not what one would call sentimental, but because I cannot be with her on her big day –and because freshmen year royally sucked – I compiled a list of… Read more
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HOW TO BE A DOUCHEBAG: YOUR EVERY DAY HOW TO GUIDE
There are many things to remember when speaking of “How to be a Douchebag.” Douchebags like me come in many shapes and sizes in this day and age, but we are going to talk mainly about how to be a bro-like douchebag. The first thing to remember is talk like a bro. It’s a tone… Read more
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CIXELSYD DYSLEXIA
When life gives you lemons you make lemonade, unless you’re dyslexic then life gives you melons. Good One. I feel bad for dyslexic children when they try to write to Santa but instead write to Satan. Right. So, like, if you’re dyslexic can you not read? And here we go. I was diagnosed with dyslexia… Read more
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MISTAKEN FOR THE MOON
by emily wilner The hotel is under construction. We’’ve left our super classy and extremely effective Country- Time-lemonade-and-12-shots concoction somewhere in a snowbank along the way, for the birds. For the birds! My drunken companion, who had been carrying the drink, keeps repeating this in a loud, singsongy voice and throwing her arms up toward… Read more
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BOW DOWN BITCHES
My friends and I got the cops called on us the other night. Noise violation. We were watching Beyoncé’s visual album again. Whoops. Before this month, I never would have considered myself a Beyoncé fan. At all. I knew there were cult-like Beyoncé lovers cropping up all around me, I didn’t get it. That is, until… Read more
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