Poem by MacReady Byrd

Art by MacReady Byrd

I will spend a lifetime becoming and exiting, 
The vivacious narrative of my doing. 
Donning frills, flowers, glittery shoes 
We’d tie our hair into pigtails and wear laughter like 
a certain demise. 
Things could be simple then 
Girl 
Cute. 

Smile wanes and all that’s left is a vague outline of 
This grinning kid. 
Woman 
Immature. 
At the age of 10 
We grow up so fast, we forget about how we were only just 
Smearing our hands with the guts of crab apples 
Ripping each others’ hair out. 
I can still remember the smell of coconut pomade 
The tackiness on the back of my neck. 

Later, clad in black and jagged edges 
Hair cut down to the scalp 
Whiskers outlining my face 
We sit at the mouth of a lake 
It feels like the ocean, then. 
Going on for 		miles 
Fish shimmering across the surface we 
Would say we were just like them 
Drifting by in our own way 
Lapping up water in our strained throats 
Things were harder now
Boy 
Ugly. 

Frowns etched into every surface touched, 
The mockup of an angry fool. 
Man 
Wise. 
At the age of 20 
We begin to regress and we wonder where all the time went, 
We remember braiding each other’s hair 
Running movies back to back in the warmth of our room 
I’d forgotten about the off-white blinds 
Drawn ever so slightly 
Masking my face. 

I spend a lifetime exiting and becoming, 
The languorous narrative of my undoing. 
Fashioning myself as she he it 
Demise, certain as it it is, we will drink it up 
Like sweet cherry cyanide 
I will wait until then 
Both 
Neither 
Content.