Poem by Javier Spurlock 

Art by MacReady Bryd

If you wanted to know what a real man is then you should of grown up with me 
A real man always spends his time outside 
A real man always puts his family first 
A real man doesn't kiss 
Boys 
It's true; ask the church, your brother, your father, his father, and possible a marine.

Man don't get me started on Barbies 
             A real man plays with action figures or nothing at all 

                         Are you going to be bound to Boy Scouts, if not? 
                                           You were brought into this world and I can take you out 

A real man never cries 
Well, Maybe in the dark where no one can watch and the silence of the night can cover my shame. 

I hate myself and who I’ve become. This is not the face of a man, 
A real man takes his beatings 
Sucks his tears up and carries on 
I need therapy but a real man doesn't, he swallows it and chokes on it until It Kills him 
It kills him 
It kills me 
I am queer, black, sad and a total wreck 
I am a hollow shell. My heart is smaller than a man’s 

The pill bottles are now empty and nothing happened 
A man never has bad luck but that day I did 
I’m a man that wanted to leave his family behind 
Am I a man? 

I am not that son. 
Straighten up 
I want to be enough to carry my fathers name 
Spurlock 
He raised me to be strong but I feel weak 
“Swallow the pain and be a man” 
That hurts. 

I’ll hide the boy I kissed in the dark 
I'll cover my gut and cut the pieces of who I am to fit into the skin of a man. 
All of this in order to fit into a casket that would bring us closer together 
Wow, I really have a heart smaller than a man