What It’s Like to Sorta Work at a Music Festival

  This summer, I gave out Crispy M&M’s to rockstars. Whoa, that sounded cool. I worked at Pitchfork Music Festival in Chicago, handing out free bags of candy to people all day for three days. Pitchfork Music Festival is in its 11th year, and this summer’s show at Union Park showcased both local and up-and-coming acts on…

Like Someone Else’s Body Weight

My aunt and my mother walk in front of me. They’re trailing my luggage and their purses. I am only holding a bag that drapes over my shoulder and my teddy bear that wears a shirt that says “Happy Birthday.” Every time my Mom talks to an authority figure at this hospital, I swallow the…

Your Horoscope for September

Aries (March 21 – April 19) You’re in the mood to connect. Search around your community for someone who shares your curiosity with the mechanics of The Human Centipede. Love could be on the way! Taurus (April 20 – May 20) You’re running out of money and the world is imploding. More deets later. Gemini…

POTTY PARTY

I’ve been pissed off since the 90’s. People write some really stupid reviews about things. If you seriously want to know how that Pan Fried European Sea Bass tastes at that restaurant that doesn’t allow you to arrive in anything less than black tie, just go and eat it. It’s not like it’s expensive or…